2:28 am - Sunday July 31, 2016

The Definitive Ranking Of “SpongeBob SquarePants” Characters By Hotness

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The Definitive Ranking Of "SpongeBob SquarePants" Characters By Hotness

♫ If nautical crushes be something you wish… ♫

15. Mermaid Man

Mermaid Man

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Nickelodeon / Via spongebob.tumblr.com

Why You’re Thirsty: He’s a superhero who can control creatures of the sea. Automatic sexy points.

His Downside: That outfit. It must go.

14. Barnacle Boy

Why You’re Thirsty: He’s also a superhero, but he’s respected by lots of villains. Which makes him exponentially more impressive.

His Downside: His crankiness is off-putting AF.

13. Karen Plankton

Nickelodeon / Via thezombiepunch.tumblr.com

Why You’re Thirsty: She’s completely honest, and is a great, supportive wife to her off-the-rails husband.

Her Downside: Her bossiness and sarcasm causes for a lot of friction in her relationships.

12. Gary the Snail

Nickelodeon / Via drummedup.tumblr.com

Why You’re Thirsty: He tends to surprise others with his intelligence. Plus, he could serenade you with his musical talent.

His Downside: His extreme stubbornness can sometimes be obnoxious.

11. Squidward Tentacles

Nickelodeon / Via kawaii-empire.tumblr.com

Why You’re Thirsty: He’s got a confidence that no one can rival. And musical aspirations that could potentially go somewhere…if he finds more talent somehow.

His Downside: His apathy can make him a real drag to be around.

10. Sheldon Plankton

Nickelodeon / Via tra-nsparent.tumblr.com

Why You’re Thirsty: He’s a business owner and also grew up an outcast, so he’s ~misunderstood~. Which is totally adorable.

His Downside: His criminal record is beyond cringeworthy.

9. Mrs. Puff

Nickelodeon / Via tumblesimply.tumblr.com

Why You’re Thirsty: She’s got a great sense of style, and believes in people that don’t even have faith in themselves sometimes.

Her Downside: She literally blows up when frustrated or nervous.

8. Eugene Krabs

Nickelodeon / Via fuckjay-z.tumblr.com

Why You’re Thirsty: Like Plankton, he’s a business owner, which shows major determination. He’s also a former cadet in the Pacific Navy. Military sea creatures = dreamy.

His Downside: His greediness and obsession with money usually translates to being cheap.

7. Patrick Star

Nickelodeon / Via byobworld.tumblr.com

Why You’re Thirsty: He’s adorably ignorant to most things, but in a way that you want to help him instead of getting frustrated. He’s also an amazingly loyal friend.

His Downside: He’s not the smartest starfish in the sea by any means.

6. SpongeBob SquarePants

Nickelodeon / Via hikewhileyoucan.tumblr.com

Why You’re Thirsty: His overall positive outlook on every single aspect of life makes him really fun to be around.

His Downside: He’ll never be able to drive you anywhere. And you wouldn’t want him to.

5. Pearl Krabs

Why You’re Thirsty: She’s athletic, and definitely knows what she wants.

Her Downside: Completely unlike her father, she has no sense of control when it comes to spending, so she comes off as extremely spoiled.

4. The Flying Dutchman

Nickelodeon / Via spongebob-daily.tumblr.com

Why You’re Thirsty: Rugged men are so dreamy. Seriously. Plus, who doesn’t like a friendly dude?

His Downside: While he can easily bond with others, he’s also capable of being a straight-up asshole. Also, he’s a womanizer. No, thank you.

3. Sandy Cheeks

Nickelodeon / Via phoebesvag.tumblr.com

Why You’re Thirsty: Any squirrel who is that good at karate is definitely swoonworthy. She’s also not afraid to tell it like it is.

Her Downside: Sometimes her attitude can get the best of her.

2. Larry the Lobster

Nickelodeon / Via spongebob-daily.tumblr.com

Why You’re Thirsty: Who hasn’t had a crush on the lifeguard at the pool?

His Downside: Everyone knows he has bad B.O.

1. Fred (AKA the “My Leg!” and “My Eyes!” Guy)

Nickelodeon / Via fyeahfredrechid.tumblr.com

Why You’re Thirsty: He could definitely rev up your fryers.

His Downside: Absolutely nothing.

Read more: http://www.buzzfeed.com/annakopsky/hotties-under-the-sea

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